The nightmare of the being on the other side

Can’t believe it’s been 6 months since my last post. I know I promised to write more often but I slacked off. Why did I slack off? Well, initially I was in honeymoon period after my final board exam in November 2016 and then, I was offered a job at University Malaya Medical Centre.

So I started off my gazettment in December 2016. What is “gazettment”? Well, according to MOH, it is “To assess the competency of medical officers to assume responsibility of an independent specialist on completion of specialist training”. So essentially, this period is very essential and extremely crucial to me. I did get back on social medias but to much lesser extent compare to how it was before. And I think, I am okay with it.

I was asked a few times how do I do it… to divide my time equally as a doctor/ surgeon and as social media influencer. I don’t. Most of my time goes to my professional profession, as a doctor. It was, has always been and will always be, my priority.

I wrote in an interview by The Covets “ a lot of people think that once you’ve passed your exam and you can finally call yourself a surgeon, that’s it… You’ve made it in life. But it’s not so. There’s always something new to learn and there’s a learning curve for everything” I meant it to the core. For me, my journey has just began. There’s so much still that I want to learn and accomplish. (Btw, you can read the whole interview here: https://www.thecovets.com/talks/tengku-ezulia-social-media-influencer/)

So, I started running my own clinic and OT at my new workplace. I was initially doing registar calls for 2 months before I went to do specialist tag-call (tagging with another specialist). After 3 months only I was assigned specialist call on my own. I have never felt more professionally accepted, encouraged but at the same time terrified….

Being a specialist especially at a teaching hospital, not only I desire to do the right thing and have empathy for my patients but I wish to be a teacher who teaches the correct knowledge and be compassionate to my juniors/ students. Before I knew it, 6 months has gone and it’s time for the new batch to take the final exam, the same exam that I took in November 2016.

Wow, time flew at the speed of light.

When I was first asked to help out at with the exam, I assumed I would be an extra set of hands to help set up the place, maybe take the exam question papers from the Dean’s office and bring them back. As simple as that.

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Little did I know I would be one of the invigilators. When I found this out, I was hesitant and overwhelmed. I sat for this same exam barely 6 months ago and now I have to see first-hand my junior colleagues go through the same…hell. I asked them if they were ready. Of course they said they were notttt ready. I should have ask myself if I were ready. I probably said No too.

So, basically an exam invigilator is there to supervise the students during their exams and ensure exam regulations are met, like you know… Monitor that there is no speaking by students during the exam, no cheating whatsoever, ensure and provide the students and examiners with the necessary equipment eg paper, stationery, collect and distribute and then collect exam papers again.

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Candidates during the theory exam

Whilst that part of the job takes very little physical effort (other than being bored to death but still have to be physically alert), the hard part was after the exam when you calculated your friends’ marks. Basically you have to pass the theory papers (which consist of Paper I: Essay and Paper II: MCQ) in order to make it to the next round, which is the clinical exam.

So here’s the thing about exam: Some make it. Some don’t. And being on the other side, you get to know who before they do.

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Surrounded by the examiners during the clinical case vetting.
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Examiners during the MS ORL HNS final board exam

And then 2 weeks later, the clinical rounds started. The same thing repeated. Some who went through the clinical rounds nailed them, but some didn’t. I congratulated the candidates who made it through. I truly felt happy for them, as if it was my victory as well. Maybe because I went through it too and it’s still fresh in my mind… To study while others sleep, work while others loaf, prepare while others play and act while others just wish.

So yeahh, I know what great sweet success feels like after that blood and sweat of perseverance, hard work and sacrifice.

Last but not least, here’s a message to those who didn’t make it, exams or not, I know that you’re a champion in the making. Well done and keep striving!

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With my junior who passed the exam with flying colours and our sifu. Congratulations!

Nota kaki: Congrats to UM and other universities making it to the top 1% of universities worldwide. (source: The Star )

Bad-ass, off-beat and fearless ladies

I was fortunate to be part of H&M Fall / Winter 2016 #Ladylike collection campaign recently. I applause H&M team for promoting women empowerment and  gender equality.
A lady should be 2 things… who and what she wants. So, here’s a message for all my fearless ladies:  Stand up different ways there are TO BE, ACT and FEEL like a lady. We can be bad-ass, independent, free-willed, opinionated, off-beat and what the heck we want to be.
Trust me, the world needs a little more ladies like us!

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This is one of my campaign photos… They asked me for a caption. So i wrote this: I’m a lady surgeon. I break stereotypes. I cut people open to save lives… and I do it in style. #Ladylike 

 

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My assemble is from H & M
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Jacket, Shirt, Top, Pants all from H & M

 

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And finally, catch me in ELLE malaysia magazine October 2016 issue

 

Be powerful. Be annoying. Talk too much.

Be an entertainer. Be a speaker, a mother, a lover, a mentor, a master. Be all you want!

 

Now, tell me again WHO RUN THE WORLD? *wink*

Red lips Pale Face… and the story behind

img_2345There was a point in my life where exam stress could have killed me. But it didn’t and I survived the battle. Reminiscing the moment I stood outside the viva-voce room on the last day of my Masters final exam, I was reminded of how terrified I felt inside. I pulled an outer strong face because I knew I just had to pass. But I guess it still showed, because one of the coordinators said “The examiners better call this candidate now, her face already turned pale and vanishing and only her red lips are seen”. Did I really turn cyanosis?? I managed to put on my red lipstick that morning because someone told me that will increase your confidence level. *lies* *cries* Well, it didn’t and I still felt like crap. (I still love my red lipstick though)

So to cut the story short, immediately after it was announced that I passed my Master final exam with flying colours, I went completely blacked out. People were congratulating me and I stood there feeling numb and blanked for no reason. Actually, there was a plenty of reason and I’m sure it could possibly be because I had fragmented sleep for nearly 2 weeks and I dosed up on caffeine like every 2-3 hours.

Like every other people who experience PTSD (that’s Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I’M TELLING YOU), the aftermath is no joke. But with every hardship there comes ease, like there is a silver lining in every cloud… And suddenly here comes the better days where I don’t have to swallow books and sleep on my notes anymore. I still have to update my knowledge once a while (learning process is a never ending process my teachers already warned me… pftGgr#%!!) but at least I can do it at my own timing and with a lot less pressure.

So what’s next?

Here’s my plan:

  1. Start a family
  2. Travel
  3. Write a blog about fashion, travel, style, beauty, food and everything that is NOT medical and NON academics.

May the odds be in my favour… Ameen. Xoxo.